Grandma Anne

The sum of the tangible days I spent with her don't add up to much. That's just how it goes when you and your grandmother live over two-thousand miles apart. The time we spent together is hardly enough to get to know a person at all. The funny thing about that is, I feel like I did know her. I feel like I knew her deeply, because with all of the fakeness in the world, there's something about true moments that transcends time. Five minutes in the comfort of true, impassioned love; five minutes in the presence of honest-to-God, soul-deep kindness; five minutes of talking about or being near or feeling something pure and real can feel like a stretch of time that never ends, both in that moment and in your memory. Every second I spent with Grandma Anne, or MA as the other cousins call her, was a true moment. Every second is a second I cherish and will continue to cherish for the rest of time. By example she taught me so much about how to live life. She showed me how to live gracefully and graciously, how to love and care in the truest sense of those words. The past few years have made me more cynical, but she makes me want to be kind. She makes me want to lower my guard, abandon my dislike of people, and choose love. She makes me want to open my heart and let nothing but positivity flow from it directly into every person I meet.

I'll never forget our day at Pier 39 in San Francisco. I'll never forget her sitting in on one of my Little Women rehearsals and how she thought I “had my character down much better than the other kids.” I'll never forget how much it meant to have her say that. I'll never forget how she and Aunt Moira surprised me with tickets to see the wonderful production 'Song Man Dance Man' at the Milwaukee Repertory Theater during my last visit. I'll never forget how she always sent birthday cards to her grandchildren. I'll never forget how they were never late. Throughout her life, she always made efforts to show me how much she cared about me. How much she loved me. And how much she loved all of her grandchildren.

I'll never forget how she tried the Chicken Tikkah Masala I brought home the last time I stayed over, and how despite the fact that it ended up being too spicy for her, she was open to try it. I brought home a less spicy version a few days later that she quite enjoyed. That was her: always open, always ready to receive new things from the world. And she did. She received them, and she lived her life in the only way that's really living at all: full of love. She allowed it to fill her being and it truly radiated off of her and positively affected those around her. Myself included. She is a wonderful, beautiful woman whom I am so blessed to have known.

She always supported me as an actor, as a writer, and as a human being making my way through this world, and that support means more to me than I know how to express. Everything I write from here on out is for her. In honor of her memory, yes, but more so in honor of her life, and her commitment to living it with curiosity, kindness, and beauty. Grandma Anne, I'm so much better for having known you. I know one day our spirits will be together in Paradise. I love you forever.